tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56623813345282651342024-03-19T04:03:49.065-07:00Cancer; It Will Never Happen To MeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-76518166598158574132014-08-13T19:08:00.000-07:002014-08-13T19:08:23.237-07:00Two year writing break... and back.After two years of not posting, I think it is time I get back to it. Time to continue what I intended to do all along. Here it goes...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-31212810173396816692012-05-17T19:00:00.000-07:002012-05-17T19:00:12.537-07:001 year<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life was so amazingly great for everyone with Vanessa in Remission. It was incredible, she was incredible. Such a rare and agressive cancer gone in less then 1 year. She was healthy, active, and so alive. She could ride 40 miles on her bike, and outswim me every day. So of course the question came to mind, how long... how long before we knew her chances at staying in remission were great. 1 year. At 1 year in remission the chance of a Relapse would be significantly decreased.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Easy right? I mean 1 year... she got rid of the baseball sized tumor in less the 1 year, we could keep it gone for 1 year. Her health after that fight and scare was amazing.. biking, swimming, hiking. Giving me her flippers in the pool becaus I was tired, and she just kicked her little legs away with such ease... It almost seemed as though this second chance at life made her stronger... so 1 year... piece of cake!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember people often asking me how she was doing in her fight against Cancer, and I always responded with "Looks like she kicked it's ass. She is Cancer free right now, no detectable Cancer cells, all labs are normal, and she is incredibly healthy and strong. The cancer left in less then a year, we can keep it that way for 1 year".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 year.... Lord, just 1 year....</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-52484556980575036512012-02-03T11:53:00.000-08:002012-02-03T11:53:57.690-08:00Remission<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi376BCsbGXxUrAc3OjVrFYNo91vEwdODcffwkm1YOZMoW5wU-DwdHZKpZzXbwG3kDe6tko3ztB2xcwyj4Cgm4y8cl89VHF7jyyYXjvmJFPkrcdBIhn__oiBnmOs2cbVSxxr4VzT7_H0XBu/s1600/remission.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi376BCsbGXxUrAc3OjVrFYNo91vEwdODcffwkm1YOZMoW5wU-DwdHZKpZzXbwG3kDe6tko3ztB2xcwyj4Cgm4y8cl89VHF7jyyYXjvmJFPkrcdBIhn__oiBnmOs2cbVSxxr4VzT7_H0XBu/s320/remission.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remission... the one word every person fighting Cancer longs to hear. Remission... its over... <br />
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Vanessa went into remission shortly after beginning her treatments at COH. She was well on her way to remission when she was first accepted to COH and then everything just fell into place and she was Cancer free! I could not believe it.. It felt too good to be true. She responded great to all chemotherapy drugs. Granted, she was very ill during the chemo, it worked and it worked fast. How was it possible that after being diagnosed with such a rare and agressive form of Cancer that now she was already Cancer free? A Miracle. A miracle from God. A second chance at life, a semi normal life. Vanessa was still being seen several times a week. Routine lab work and doctors appointments. <br />
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I remember the night we celebrated. I cannot remember the exact date that remission occured, but I will go though her medical charts one of these days and find it... but my hair was still very short.. so it had to of only been about 6 months of treatment before she went into full remission. We went to celebrate at Dave and Busters with her long time childhood friend June, and another Jillian that we went to highschool with. We celebrated with drinks, and playing lots of games. She was truly glowing that night. So happy, so beautiful, and so full of life.<br />
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It did not take Vanessa much time to return to her normal activities, and then some. I could not believe how strong she was. She started riding her bike again. I am not just talking around the block.. she was able to ride 40 miles several times a week. Her and I started swimming together at the gym... and she could kick my butt at that. She rock climed. It was incredible. It almost seemed as if she was healthier then before she got diagnosed. It was like her body was cleansed from all illness, from all posions, and new. She was new, and not taked life for grantid. She was living it up, and again resuming to an active healthy life style. When I think about it, a lot of it reminds me of Lance Armstrong. Not shocking, as he has been on of her role models through all of this.<br />
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No more hospital stays, and no more aggressive drugs. Back home with Matt where they could pick life back up from where they left off. We were all so happy, and it almost seemed as though the hole thing never happened. Besides her being bald, and my hair looking like a que tip you would never ever suspect that girl had a tumor the size of a baseball resting on her heart just a few short months ago. You would never know how much weight she really lost from all the nausea and vomiting. She recovered at the speed of light... It was amazing and such a relief. We all had Vanessa back, and kicked Cancer to the curb. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-37563216325278319362011-11-18T09:41:00.000-08:002011-11-18T09:41:40.358-08:00Slumber Parties<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Back when Vanessa and I were kids, we would always spend the night at each others house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stayed up late talking, and just being high school girls. Slumber parties continued on into our adult lives, and although very much the same as they were when we were kids, they changed drastically.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>Vanessa has always needed someone to stay in the hospital with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She does not do well alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time Matt would stay with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matt is a pilot for indirect fire fighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the fire season, he was gone a lot and unable to stay wither.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mom, her sister, her dad, and made sure we had all nights covered with her.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>On good nights, Vanessa and I could stay up pretty late and talk, and watch movies, and play the wii.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On bad nights the slumber parties changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bad nights consisted of extreme pain, fear, nausea, vomiting, coughing, and fevers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spending the night was no longer like high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spending the night was about being quick, knowing what was wrong with her and what to do to help her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>If she was in pain, then I would rub her back and her feet and soon be paging the nurse for pain meds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the nausea came on, it was about reaching for her barf bucket quickly and rub her back while she vomited. After she was done vomiting she needed to be handed tissues to wipe her mouth and her tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it was important to empty and clean the barf bucket ASAP. </span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, when Vanessa was sick with mucousitits, then vomiting was even more extreme.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mucousitis is a side effect of Chemo and Radiation treatments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It causes inflammation and ulceration of the mucous membranes lining the digestive tract.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When mucousistis was going on, vomiting was difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa would vomit a lot of flem and would gag even more as it was coming up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These were some of the hardest times during her treatment that I remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would rub her back and encourage her to continue to get up as much flem as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she was finished it helped her to now how much flem actually came up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I would no joke sift through the vomit to count the loogies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Coughing was a large result of mucositis and it would happen frequently as it was her body’s natural reaction to discard the flem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fevers were always scary and led to panic. </span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fevers were of course a sign of infection, or worse a sign of Cancer spreading. Even if Vanessa was not admitted to the hospital she carried a thermometer almost everywhere she went and she slept with one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had one that lit up the screen nice so that at night she could just lay in bed in the dark and take her temperature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the hospital I remember one night we were both actually sleeping really good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was starting out to be a good night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of the sudden Vanessa woke up moaning and starting to panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she thought had a fever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reached over and felt her forehead… burning up. So my next move was to grab the thermometer and page for the nurse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her temperature had read 102.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next step for the nurse was to start lab work to see why she had such a high fever, and give her medications to bring the fever down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next morning Dr. Parker came in and said she had an infection and started a round of antibiotics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank goodness..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>All of the above problems usually led to fear and panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was one of the hardest things to watch Vanessa go through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really there is not a lot you can say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t really say “it’s alright” because fact of the matter is that things are not alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things suck, and things are scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To calm her down I would always work with her on breathing first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once deep breathing starting calming her, I would again rub her back and her feet until she was calm and comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would get her comfortable in bed again, and then lay back down myself, and rest until the next round came. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-53565764733515245782011-11-16T07:03:00.000-08:002011-11-16T07:09:57.982-08:00An Epidemic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohkdtdH9pTnnt20xyYq9R487z_7m9yc0aVsmcm0XRnAvgUebaYKrhi4XW0y1ii3-9HtwyjVPK6l-4FAn6z8uqvns5diVIzd2a-uzfOlcwmdAyesICNNzyqWps_D2-mazyqz6pqn8GknHQ/s1600/cancer_awareness_ribbon_283122200_std.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohkdtdH9pTnnt20xyYq9R487z_7m9yc0aVsmcm0XRnAvgUebaYKrhi4XW0y1ii3-9HtwyjVPK6l-4FAn6z8uqvns5diVIzd2a-uzfOlcwmdAyesICNNzyqWps_D2-mazyqz6pqn8GknHQ/s320/cancer_awareness_ribbon_283122200_std.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Before Vanessa's diagnoses, Cancer was something I heard about all the time on the news, but really knew nothing about or how many it actually affected. It was crazy, within months of her diagnosis I learned of so many more cases, from people I actually knew.<br />
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Ron Reed, my engineer from the Fire Department. He came to work one morning and went to use the rest room. He came out and told the captain he had just pissed blood. Dave told him to leave work right away and go to the doctor. Dave told Ron this happened to someone in his family, and it turned out to be cancer. Ron went to see the doctor and sure enough, it was Cancer. Ron was diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma and givin a prognosis of five years to live. Ron faught a hard battle, and passed away this current year in 2011. <br />
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Then I learned of an old friend from high school, Sandra Gronley. Sandra had a husband diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, and then shortly after... her daughter of only 5 years of age was diagnosed with Leukemia. I mean... WTF.... two people in her family.. are you freakin kidding me? Now this case has baffled me and is on my mind a lot. Lymphoma and Leukemia are very tightly linked Cancers. As far as Cancer goes, Lymphoma and Leukemia could be sisters. So yeah, I am curious, what caused the Cancer in Sandra's husband, and in her daughter? There has to be something genetic, there must be something that would be detectible to know if the gene is running in a family... what is the link? How do we stop this from happening? Today I am happy to say that Sandra's husband continues to be Cancer free after his battle, and her daughter is also Cancer free! Thank you God!<br />
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After shaving my head I met yet another person. I was working one night at the Country Club. I was taking care of Mr. and Mrs. Kenny. Mrs. Kenny noticed my bald head with a scarf around it, and a lime green ribbon pinned to my appron. She asked why I wore the ribbon. I explained Vanessa to her, and then she told me that she herself was fighting Cancer. Mrs. Kenny was also a patient at City of Hope. Over the months to come Mrs. Kenny gave me more knowledge and advice then any one could ever know. She donated several wigs and hats to Vanessa and always asked me about Vanessa's current condition. Mrs. Kenny had faught Cervical Cancer. She is now a survivor! <br />
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Mrs. Weston. She was also a member of the Country Club, and was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, she also went through a very hard fight. Mrs. Weston loved the fact that I shaved my head, and we soon became close sharing all the details of Cancer with each other. I am also proud to say that Mrs. Weston is a Cancer Survior. <br />
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Winni Strut, also a member of the Country Club. Winni and her husband Dave were members I was already close with because of my friend and co-worker Rowena. Winni has been fighting lung cancer for many many years. She is a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. Again, so supportive of me shaving my head. She also donated some hats to both Vanessa and I. Today, Winni continues to fight Cancer. <br />
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Sandy Watson, my long time neighbor of mine and also member of the Country Club. I just learned of her diagnosis with Lung Cancer and have yet to fallow up.<br />
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Another high school class mate, Tory Ward. Tory was diagnosed with Primary Angionsarcoma of the Breast Cancer this year of 2011. From what I have learned from fallowing her posts on Facebook, is that she is one strong girl, and I know she will beat this Cancer! <br />
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Jennifer Dunlop: I met Jenny before Vanessa was diagnosed. I did not know Jenny during her battle of Cancer. However today, she still has labs drawn to make sure she is clear. Jenny is a survivor of stage 4 Melenoma Skin Cancer. <br />
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Chrissie Riley, Jennifers Sister had been diagnoes with Colon Cancer. Again, is there somehow a link? Two different Cancers, but Cancer is Cancer. Two sisters, each affected by Cancer... what is the link here? Chrissie is also a survior today of Cancer.<br />
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An old friend of mine, Robyn Thomas. Her Grandmother was diagnoes with Colon Cancer. Today she is also in remission.<br />
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Frannie Tassone, a member from the country club. For many years I baby sat the Frannie and Stephen's children while they would visit the mountain. There was one year that I had not seen the Tassone family in several months. It was unlike this family to not be in the mountains during the golf season. I later learned Frannie had been Diagnosed with rectal Cancer. Today, she is a survivor.<br />
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So I know 13 people who are either fighting Cancer, have faught Cancer, or have passed away from Cancer. I feel like 13 is an awfully high number... Do you know 13 people with Cancer? Knowing 13 people who have had to go through this terrible disease is way too many. This is truly an epidemic. <br />
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Check out this Link to the <a href="http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/CancerBasics/cancer-prevalence?sitearea=">American caner Society</a>. The data shows how many people in the United States alone were living with Cancer in the year 2008. The numbers are shocking. So What do we do to prevent this. How do we stop Cancer from taking over. Surely there must be a way, and part of it starts in the way we live. <br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-14384028665065950922011-11-08T22:41:00.000-08:002011-11-08T22:41:19.818-08:00Finding Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqJF71oRz5U8zi_XJCCJzVjnGIXY_gyjEAU8Z0UjRVIgqdVu5v6pXWLtlDoI4GVbbsiurAr69wof-KJFAUAqjdJskEtLxAvQx7JtIITGiLPVMNiLJ_YY9Kzf7jOO0NPu024RfbFpYSc9Nc/s1600/Hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqJF71oRz5U8zi_XJCCJzVjnGIXY_gyjEAU8Z0UjRVIgqdVu5v6pXWLtlDoI4GVbbsiurAr69wof-KJFAUAqjdJskEtLxAvQx7JtIITGiLPVMNiLJ_YY9Kzf7jOO0NPu024RfbFpYSc9Nc/s320/Hope.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">After being at Arrowhead Regional and in the dark for so many months, Vanessa decided she deserved better, and went on the search for new treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She got hold of her medical records and set up a consultation at City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked me if I could go with her that day to meet with the Doctor and of course I accompanied her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>This was a very important day for Vanessa, a day of Hope for something more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope to survive, and Hope to beat the Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa found the attitude she needed to survive, and it was largely based on hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what better of a place to get treatment than City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the most amazing Cancer centers in the country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t just a hospital that specializes in anything and everything, its main focus is Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also focus on T.B. and AIDS, and Diabetes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa got all dressed up, did her make up, and rocked a shiny bald head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also dressed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa and I decided we needed to show the Doctor that we were serious about wanting better treatment, that we weren’t just some young kids coming in and wasting time, we wanted to beat this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also decided to rock my bald head with her that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted everyone to know she had a strong support group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted the Doctor to know, I was going through it with her, she wasn’t alone.</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Just upon arrival, we were blown away at the size of the facility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HUGE and beautiful! Just driving onto the campus gave us both a surge of excitement and Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where Vanessa needed to be, this place was for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We parked the car and walked to the main entrance of the Hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful fountain placed out front where we took our first pictures together of finally finding Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can always see the photos in my mind, I don’t even need to see them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa looked so happy, and relieved to finally be somewhere better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We walked inside and got her file with directions on places we needed to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This place was huge, and pretty confusing to find our way, but we made it through on the hoops and jumps and finally were waiting to meet with the Doctor.</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">One thing I will never forget about that day was how many people complemented Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other Cancer patients, and workers, and even guests.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was told over and over again how beautiful she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she was beautiful that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was honestly glowing that day, more then I think I have ever seen in the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She literally looked like an Angel that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more she was complimented, the more she became confident, and Hopeful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was obvious she belonged here.</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Finally we were brought back to meet with the consulting Doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Pablo Parker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sat in his office anxiously waiting for him to come in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brought a pen and a notepad with me because I wanted to take notes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was Hoping we could gain some answers this day, and I didn’t want to miss a single word he had to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also had a list of my own questions, and questions Vanessa needed help remembering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>Dr. Parker came into the room and shut the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked at the both of us and asked “Which one of you is the patient requesting this consult?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa raised her hand and smiled and said it was her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he looked at me and asked “What type of Cancer do you have?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said “I don’t, I let Vanessa shave my head when she lost her hair, it helped her feel more confident to know I would go through it with her.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled and understood it was for sympathy and support. He went over Vanessa’s files and then began to speak with us. The first thing out of his mouth was “It looks like you are getting the right treatment so that is good”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got scared that he would turn her away because she getting the right chemo treatment so I decided to interject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said “She might be getting the right Chemo, but that is all she is getting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know nothing about this cancer, what stage she is in, how bad it is, we don’t know what effects the chemo have done to the cancer, we know nothing, we are in the dark”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Parker saw my frustration and went over her information with us.</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>Vanessa was in Stage 2E… Stage 2 with an Extension to the left lung.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then also told us that it turned out the tumor had shrank considerably, that it was almost gone and she was well on her way to remission.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s right REMISSION!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word everyone Hopes to hear while fighting Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>Vanessa spoke of how much she needed something more then what Arrowhead Regional could offer her, and we both continued to ask questions, and I continued to take notes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was such an amazing experience to finally learn something about the Cancer and what was going on with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt like the weight of the world came off my shoulders and Vanessa also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>Finally at the end of the consult Dr. Parker said he would be happy to be Vanessa’s doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He explained to her how the system worked at City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city> and that he wouldn’t always be able to come and see her for as long as he had with us on that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He explained doing clinic and that most of the time those appointments were short, but that he would always be happy to explain what was going on.</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p> </o:p>Finally we were done, and Vanessa had more Hope then ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was now a patient at one of the countries most respected Cancer centers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would now know everything, and she now had the Hope to beat this thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We set up her next appointments and then we headed for the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a long walk, and we both had heals on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heals on tired feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both could hardly walk any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when we got to the front of the hospital, we took a couple wheel chairs and wheeled ourselves to the car.. It was a workout on the arms for sure, but the feet needed the break, and it was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was nice to have some fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">We got in the car and headed out for a dinner celebration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I treated Vanessa to a nice dinner and a couple drinks at the Yard House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We called her mom and shared the wonderful news that Vanessa was a patient at City of Hope, and the best news of all… she was well on her way to REMISSION!!!!</div><br />
This was an amazing day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never forget this day, and I will never be ungrateful to Dr. Parker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was so kind and I fell in love with him that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Parker is what Vanessa needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean he was an excellent man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He provided us with Hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What more could we ask for?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-22635076828492920242011-11-08T21:51:00.001-08:002011-11-08T21:51:34.960-08:00"The Attitude"<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Having a positive attitude took time to find.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course when first being diagnosed Vanessa was scared and angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had the same question as everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why me?”</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember one day particular in the beginning of treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa was struggling with understanding why she had Cancer, and how long she would live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was certain at the time that it was unbeatable.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I spoke with <st1:place>Ness</st1:place> on the phone early one morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was in a bad mood and she didn’t want to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she had no appetite and it didn’t matter any ways because she was just going to die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her to knock that crap off right then and there and that she had to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I offered to come over and cook for her and she didn’t want that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned picking up breakfast from the Belgian Waffle Works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That perked up her mood and she said “ok I could probably eat some of that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went and got her a Strawberry Royale Belgian Waffle and also brought her a book; The Last Lecture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">She enjoyed her breakfast, she didn’t eat it all, but she ate that was important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled and was happy to have some good breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pulled out the book and gave it to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those of you who have not read it, it is about a man who was diagnosed terminal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His last lecture to his students it what he turned his book into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a wonderful story and a positive attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although Cancer did take him in the end, he learned and left a lecture for others to learn from, to help others, and to help his family with his loss. Truly an amazing story.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">So if you still have a bitter attitude about your diagnoses with Cancer, it is ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The right attitude will come in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when the right attitude comes, the bitter one will show through… it happens, it’s normal and it’s perfectly ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s ok to ask “Why?” and it’s ok to get upset. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But also understand you are special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will learn and change so much from this disease, and because of it, your life will become better, you will live to the fullest, and appreciate everything you have had before this Cancer, and the blessings to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding the right attitude, the attitude to survive will come!</span> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-64274977764725034382011-11-05T00:03:00.000-07:002011-11-05T00:03:01.321-07:00"Quality Care"<span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa’s time at Arrowhead Regional was a joke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was anything but what their mission statement states:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To provide quality care to the community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well Vanessa was a part of the community, and Vanessa received anything but quality care. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">We never spoke to an Oncologist. How do you get diagnosed with Cancer, your sent to a hospital that is supposed to take care of you, and there is no one to answer your questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day an Internal Medicine Doctor came in to check on her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa of course had questions, and he of course did not have the answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His answer always was “Let me speak with the Oncologist and I will get back to you”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After never seeing an Oncologist or speaking to one I honestly started to wonder if one was even employed at that hospital. </span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa was getting treatment, she was getting chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were giving the right chemo treatment for her Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For months, she got chemo and came in for treatments but we never knew any progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seemed like every time Vanessa walked into that place for treatment, she walked into the dark.. In fact I have a hard time remembering a lot that happened there because no one ever knew anything.. there really is not much to remember other then the lack of care, and communication.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">However there is one even I really remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matt was spending the night with Vanessa as he usually did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was having a hard night so Matt got in bed to snuggle with her and comfort her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any time a Nurse or anyone came into the room Matt would get out of the bed so that the staff had full access to Vanessa to take care of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of the nurses ever had a problem with this until one night nurse came in for her shift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came into the room and so distraught that Matt was in the bed, but he did get out of the bed so she could work on <st1:place>Ness</st1:place>, and she told him that it is policy he cannot be in the bed with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, Vanessa needed Matt next to her that night, so he climbed back in with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the nurse came again and yelled at them both telling them they cannot share a bed because they might be “fooling around” and this was not a place for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa explained to the nurse they were not doing anything other then snuggling as she felt sick and just needed some comfort from the man she loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurse called Security on Vanessa and had her kicked out of the hospital for simply wanting some comfort from her boy friend.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why on earth would anyone care if she had the arms of love wrapped around her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come on, she was scared, sick, and needed some comfort… needed to feel safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my opinion this hospital broke their mission statement of “quality care” in many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never speaking with an Oncologist, never having questions answered, never knowing anything about her progress, and then being kicked out for trying to be comforted by the one you love… despicable if you ask me.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-78313775666908219412011-10-29T00:42:00.000-07:002011-10-29T00:42:47.242-07:00Bald and Beautiful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1gmn23Ay6NRZtH4XZ2QEqqcOFV4SAXlmTGM2GX_GMoXcBxDloZcrVX0LDZsyctiQGbi5LY0kQr41aBSQ-HbucMmfhtSDp4tc5WJNjHUQPixystKKtpD_XWjiBEFOmsUBwi8fRvdchPmv2/s1600/last+moment+of+hair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1gmn23Ay6NRZtH4XZ2QEqqcOFV4SAXlmTGM2GX_GMoXcBxDloZcrVX0LDZsyctiQGbi5LY0kQr41aBSQ-HbucMmfhtSDp4tc5WJNjHUQPixystKKtpD_XWjiBEFOmsUBwi8fRvdchPmv2/s320/last+moment+of+hair.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It didn’t take long into the treatment’s for Vanessa’s hair to start falling out… we tried everything to prevent it from happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had even researched chemo that doesn’t make you loose your hair… of course the chemo that doesn’t make you loose your hair was not an option for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started with little strands falling out here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the days went on a few strands turned into handfuls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cut her hair shorter thinking if we kept the weight off of the root it wouldn’t fall out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its not the weight on the root that causes the loss.. the root is being damaged the chemo… it doesn’t matter if you only have peach fuzz on your head… it will fall out with most chemo drugs. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Like any girl, loosing her hair was hard to deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hair is so important to any girl… its one of the aspects God gave us to make us beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa had one of the most beautiful heads of hair too… thick, shiny, and healthy as can be.. beautiful short or long… held styles, curly naturally and beautiful, and straightened just as beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa’s hair started creating a “rat’s nest” on the side of her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t want to brush it because it would fall out even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally her boyfriend Matt came to her with some clippers and told her it was time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sat her down and he shaved her head, and then they shaved his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had promised Vanessa that when she lost her hair, I would loose mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wouldn’t make her go through that alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to support her and let her know it was ok to not have any hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hair was long and I had never been happier with the color.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in a new relationship with my now Husband Mike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had told Mike I would shave my head for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I expected him to tell me no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, what guy wants a bald girlfriend… one that he hasn’t even been with that long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, he supported me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course he wanted me to keep my hair, but he 100% supported my loosing my hair for supporting my best friend.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa became admitted for another round of Chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I showed up in her hospital room on I believe <st1:date day="16" month="6" year="2008">June 16, 2008</st1:date>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brought a pair of clippers with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had not yet seen Vanessa with a shaved head… and I was terrified to see what she and I would like bald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked down the hall towards her room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The door was open and she was talking with her Nurse and crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was standing in the hall where I could see her, but she could not see me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was taken back by seeing her for the first time bald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to look at her and prepare myself so then when I approached her face to face wouldn’t look at her any differently then what I always had before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was hard to see her that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never forget seeing her bald for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the new Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the Vanessa I would now know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did not look bad, or sick… in fact she looked beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But none the less one way I never wanted to see her.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I finally pulled myself together and walked into her room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was still crying listening to the Nurse talk of her treatment and the plan. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was scared and confused like any person would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I sat down, I handed her the clippers and asked her if she was ready to shave her best friends head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled and got up right away and started setting up the clippers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went and I sat down in a chair in front of a mirror and pulled my long hair into a pony tail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had scissors in hand, and Matt had the camera in hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First she cut off the pony tail, and we took some silly pictures with my pony tail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the real fun began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She got the clippers, turned them on, and slowly started shaving my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The first bit of hair she shaved I relaxed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was no longer scared to loose my hair or frightend at what I might look like bald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just seeing Vanessa’s smile put me completely at ease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the most fun times her and had ever shared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We laughed and had so much fun shaving funny hair styles into my head before it was all gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must say, I had one round head, and I did not look at all bad with no hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both Vanessa and I bald made one hot team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I finally headed home, of course many friends wanting to see a picture, and I went home to Mike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got back to Mikes house, and soon started getting ready for bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went to the bath room and removed my make up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I glanced into the mirror and then turned away fast and headed to bed. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sleeping that night was awful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was cold in the middle of summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time I turned from side to side it felt like my head was piece of velcrow tearing away from its other half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally the morning came, and I headed into the bath room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike was still asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned the light on and stared at myself with no hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked like a 12 year old boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I knew what every person with cancer felt as they lost their hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your self confidence went down the drain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is a girl with no hair? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">When Mike woke up he told me I looked beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was being honest with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is not a good liar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really helped to hear him tell me I was beautiful even though I felt anything but pretty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He left for work, and then I headed up the mountain to my house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran down stairs to see my mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t told her Vanessa shaved my head yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knocked on her bath room door and told her I got a hair cut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom knew immediately what that meant, She opened the door and I had my pony tail in hand, and a bald head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled and told me I looked good with my new hair cut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By that time I had really relaxed.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I went upstairs and got ready for work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worked at a private country club, and was a paid call fire fighter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That day I was heading to the Country Club.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put a cute black hat on my head so my bald head was less recognizable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew some members would be disgraced that I would do something like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One member Steve, came up to me and asked “Jillian, what on earth did you do to your head?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him I let my best friend shave it in support of her fighting Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He thought that was really cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Later I was told a member <st1:city><st1:place>Troy</st1:place></st1:city> wanted to see me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went up the pool deck where him, his friends and family were sitting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Steve was sitting there with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me he had heard what I did and asked me to take off my hat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did and he responded with a smile and told me that he thought it was really cool that I did that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked if there was something he could do to help Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said of course as he pulled out money from his pocket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He handed me a thick roll of cash with a smiling approval from Maria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he gave me $100 and said that was for shaving my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I quickly ran to my phone and called Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She couldn’t believe the news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course after being diagnosed she had to stop working and became strapped for cash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It became hard to pay her bills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><st1:city><st1:place>Troy</st1:place></st1:city> and Maria had given her enough money to pay all of her bills that month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The donation was a huge blessing, and one that will never be forgotten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A true kindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Already a one month into cancer, a blessing came to Vanessa, and blessing that affected all of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who would have thought… something so good coming from something so bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something so good all from just shaving my hair in support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was that moment I knew being bald was beautiful.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-73045128351289920732011-10-26T00:10:00.000-07:002011-10-26T00:13:31.957-07:00Decisions, Questions, and Answers<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAcMb7X52-lmek3jTTPL_r8GmAfF-JSrgSM5f0rL_cy4f0Cb_bO_7oKgcecww7dFPKYxfMD-tNjHyVAjfp7s5nQAhcmI5O7MjeTXNlgejN3DpG8TkKpWJM9hZ6wBSAAasr6oCx1X2_eotr/s1600/UCLA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAcMb7X52-lmek3jTTPL_r8GmAfF-JSrgSM5f0rL_cy4f0Cb_bO_7oKgcecww7dFPKYxfMD-tNjHyVAjfp7s5nQAhcmI5O7MjeTXNlgejN3DpG8TkKpWJM9hZ6wBSAAasr6oCx1X2_eotr/s320/UCLA.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa and Matt were also in the Process of moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Angie (Matt’s mom) Allison, Richard, and Matt all continued packing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was time for decisions to be made on where Vanessa would do treatment.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the kindest people we have encountered during this journey was in the those first few days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A hospital worker (identity will remain private) came to Vanessa and her family and shut the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She explained to Vanessa that her Cancer was rare and needed special treatment, treatment that hospital was not capable of giving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She encouraged Vanessa to leave and head back to <st1:place>Southern California</st1:place> to City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told Vanessa to check in the Emergency Room at City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa left the hospital and <st1:city><st1:place>Visalia</st1:place></st1:city> and a day later headed home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the way home she received a call from this lady<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that she remembered City of <st1:city><st1:place>Hope</st1:place></st1:city> does not have an Emergency Room open to the public.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a private hospital and the ER was only for current patients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plans then were diverted to UCLA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa had called me and asked what she should say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her to check it with chest pain as she had originally done up in <st1:city><st1:place>Visalia</st1:place></st1:city>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once she was back in the ER I told her to tell the doctor what had been happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matt and Vanessa phoned me often during this night with needed advice on how much to say in order to be admitted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Finally Vanessa was admitted as a patient at UCLA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots needed to happen in this crucial time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa did not have health insurance so the process for medical needed to be started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Endless piles of paper work and information was needed for medical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>UCLA gave Vanessa treatment of chemo for approximately 1-2 weeks, then discharged her with no plans to readmit for more treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was referred to <st1:place><st1:placename>Riverside</st1:placename> <st1:placetype>County</st1:placetype> <st1:placetype>Hospital</st1:placetype></st1:place>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Vanessa arrived at <st1:place><st1:placename>Riverside</st1:placename> <st1:placetype>County</st1:placetype></st1:place> she was told by the Oncologist that her Cancer was beyond his and the hospitals capabilities of treating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See when you don’t have insurance and medical is still in the process of being approved its nearly impossible for a person to receive the care they really need in a critical situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This Oncologist referred Vanessa to Arrowhead Regional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing that Arrowhead was capable of giving Vanessa the treatment she needed was a huge relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Relief did not last long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Oncologist never came to speak one on one with Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All we ever saw an Internal Med Doc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although this Doctor was very kind he was not able to answer any of Vanessa’s questions about Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t know anything about this Cancer, what stage she was, the prognosis, nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Communication was non existent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unhappy with treatment, for the time being we were stuck where we were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was getting treatment, just no answers.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-46715163094339597262011-10-23T20:37:00.000-07:002011-10-23T20:55:56.333-07:00When the Brain Decides Enough Is Enough<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I stayed in <st1:city><st1:place>Visalia</st1:place></st1:city> a few more days getting things order and discussing options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three days later I drove home and brought Allison (Vanessa’s mom) with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allison wanted to head home to get Richard; Vanessa’s Dad and pack a few more items.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That drive home was honestly one of the longest and hardest drives I have ever had to make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>Endless thoughts ran through my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are we going to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is she going to come home for treatment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does she want to be near us, or up in <st1:city><st1:place>Visalia</st1:place></st1:city>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t believe strep throat turned into Cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She can beat this, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if she doesn’t beat this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What does she want?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does she want to be cremated or buried?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why am I thinking about cremation and burials, but really what does she want?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who plans a funeral at the age of 23?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why does she have Cancer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WHY DOES SHE HAVE CANCER??? GOD WHY GOD WOULD YOU GIVE HER CANCER?</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>Allison and I cried and spoke seriously, and sat silent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally reaching Allison’s home, I headed home to my boyfriend Mike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was hard to sleep, so many thoughts, anxiety, sadness and anger crossed over me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While going through my own wave emotions, Allison had an awful share of her own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we as humans cannot process the information we have just learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes life is too traumatic and the brain just needs to shut down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The brain needs to make things easier for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So our brain changes the situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>Allison called me in complete panic asking me if Vanessa was ok, if Vanessa was sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stopped dead in my tracks and didn’t understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked if she had been with me the night before and why we were together, where I drove her home from. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She continued to cry and worry, and it was then that I realized her brain decided the news was too much and shut down, locked the Cancer deep away, but Cancer knew how to show its ugly colors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can lock it away, but it won’t stay silent.</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p>I explained to Allison that Vanessa had cancer, and that we had just been with her in the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We came home so she could pick up Rich, and pack some more items.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She replied to me “Vanessa does not have cancer, I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I DO”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told Allison that she did not have Cancer, but Vanessa did, Vanessa was sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her I would hurry and get dressed and be on my way to come comfort her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allison was alone, and Rich was out running errands to prepare to go to Vanessa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Right away I called Matt, Vanessa’s boyfriend who was able to fly back home with the news of her Diagnoses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I explained to Matt what was happening with Allison and that I thought it was best for Vanessa not to worry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vanessa did not need to know about what was happening with her mother right now, she had enough on her plate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked Matt to please take Vanessa’s phone and not answer calls from her parents until I otherwise knew things had settled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as I had gotten in the car to head to Allison, Rich called me and explained that things were ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allison settled down and the brain allowed for her to know what was really happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes, we just cannot process the information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes life becomes to be too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we need denial to survive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes forgetting and denial are medicine to our souls.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-77912404000273935722011-10-21T23:38:00.000-07:002011-10-21T23:47:35.815-07:00D Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw5oBHJYnXgTUKIuQhkOjSjDYHSvJbuASLUk0AHgFYkGV-E-EUafXkSPASnqaaHOkWmJp4Md6Ei_hk3uNuOE16NHj45pi9TkhtHskiTOQy4-j7vj4w9_qqRsUXROWWr846alf5-2Q9TsNZ/s1600/Vanessa2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw5oBHJYnXgTUKIuQhkOjSjDYHSvJbuASLUk0AHgFYkGV-E-EUafXkSPASnqaaHOkWmJp4Md6Ei_hk3uNuOE16NHj45pi9TkhtHskiTOQy4-j7vj4w9_qqRsUXROWWr846alf5-2Q9TsNZ/s320/Vanessa2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Vanessa and I lived nearly 6 hours away from each other. Our friendship was maintained by hours of phone conversations each day. Her boyfriend was on business most days leaving her home alone, and available to chat with me. We could sit on the phone and laugh for hours. The silliest conversations made us laugh. I remember these 4 days as though they happened this week. <br />
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One day Vanessa had been talking to me telling me she thinks she slept wrong. Her neck and her back were sore and she spent the remainder of the day being uncomfortable. Again the next day she complained of the same soreness in her body but continued on laughing. We spent hours that day laughing about the word of a new password I had created for an account... the laughing would continue to make her sore, but we didn't hang up. On the third day she called me first thing in the morning hysterical. She cried to me that she had two large tumors on her neck. At that time I had been working in the medical field for about 4 years. I couldn't help but to giggle at her and tell her that I am sure it was her lymph nodes. I was certain she had an infection that would explain the soreness in her neck and back. Sure enough she went to the Doctor and was diagnosed with strep throat. Piece of cake, no tumors, and just some antibiotics. <br />
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The very next morning my phone was ringing at </span></span><st1:time hour="5" minute="0"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt;">5:00am</span></st1:time><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">. No one ever calls that early unless there is a problem. Confused and tired I answered a phone call from Vanessa. She was calm and collected. She told me she had gone to the emergency room. I jumped out of bed and ran to the other room to ask her why. She told me she had a spontaneous phneumo thorax. As I paced my house I told her it was ok and a phneumo thorax could be treated. I was bewildered on why she had a phnemo thorax and could not think of any reason. So then the bad news came. She explained they had done an x-ray and that showed the phnemo thorax, but then she had to have CT scan to find out why she had this condition. The results came back to show a large mass over her heart the size of a baseball. She told me more tests would have to be run, but the doctors were certain the mass was Lymphoma Cancer. I told her I was on my way and I would be there soon.<br />
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After hanging up the phone I looked up Lymphoma on the web. I found endless information about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and the prognosis looked great. The information calmed me on the web and I could not wait to get up to the hospital to tell her the news. To calm her and tell her how treatable this cancer is and what a great success rate it has. I drove for nearly 5 hours wondering how in the world this girl got cancer, but was relieved to know it was treatable and had a wonderful success rate. I hurried there as fast as I possibly could. <br />
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I arrived in </span><st1:city><st1:place><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">Visalia</span></st1:place></st1:city></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> to the hospital she was admitted at. Her surgeon had come in and explained that they were going to biopsy the tumor and while she was in there she should know if this was lymphoma Caner. Then the unknown came out. She explained that she would pray it would be Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I was confused and thought "well isn’t lymphoma cancer Hodgkin’s?" She then explained that there were many different types of lymphoma some more successful then others, but if you are going to be diagnosed with one, Hodgkin’s is the one to have. I awaited the surgery anxiously with Vanessa’s mom Allison. This had to be Hodgkin’s. This could not be any other Lymphoma. According to the web, Hodgkin’s occurs more frequently then the others. <br />
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Vanessa came back from her Surgery and the surgeon confidently told us she knew it was Lymphoma Cancer, and she was just keeping her fingers crossed for the biopsy results to be Hodgkin’s. The surgeon came back with a sad expression on her face. She explained it was Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The surgeon had made arrangements for an Oncologist to come in and speak with us. The Oncologist came in the room and shut the door. Closing the door never bares the best of news. I could feel myself sinking at Vanessa’s side. He explained to us that there were three main groups of Lymphoma Cancer. Nutricell Lymphoma, B-cell Lymphoma, and T-cell Lymphoma. In the three categories of Lymphoma lies over 30 different types of Lymphoma Cancer. We asked which of the 3 was the best possible to have. The Oncologist replied with "B-Cell" Crossing my fingers I then asked "and what do we have?" and he replied "T-Cell, the most aggressive and rare of all Lymphomas". The rest of his words were all blurred I couldn’t understand most of what he was saying because this all came on so fast.. One week ago she was fine and on a cruise with her boyfriend, and now, she has the rarest and most aggressive all of Lymphoma Cancers... how on earth could this be?<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</div></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-61247145475695165922011-10-20T23:43:00.000-07:002011-10-20T23:51:32.282-07:00Everything Causes Cancer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCGA0IloTlowM9_0803amMp0loMBlnX1Qea-15ard8weKIPU0-P1X3gGFn2Pr1gdwxlr6e5d2cgGcH_xI8YIoaxUXM6-UJVJt9z0CE2Bklb72cl1xqASwNGRN3fXLMXm_dzETRU24YMgo/s320/Vanessa1.jpg" width="216" /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">To be honest, in early 2008 there was very little that I actually knew about Cancer. I had a Great Aunt pass away from breast cancer in my early childhood, and other then that what I knew was what I heard on the news. EVERYTHING causes Cancer. Microwaves, cell phones, certain foods, artificial sweeteners, the list is endless. So how do we prevent ourselves from getting Cancer? We eat healthy food, we exercise, don't smoke, limit our use of products that cause radiation, and use sun screen.<br />
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Vanessa has always been the picture of health. She always ate healthy, she exercised and was fit beyond belief. Even the use of a microwave was limited in her life style as most meals were always cooked on the stove or baked in an oven. Vanessa was someone I or any other person would least suspect of being diagnosed with Cancer. Between her and I, I should have been the one with cancer, I did not always eat right, I did not always exercise, and the microwave was my best friend. <br />
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Even though Vanessa did everything any person would do to maintain the bill of health, Cancer snuck up on her. She went from being the picture of health, to being over come by the disease that little is known about and everything causes.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5662381334528265134.post-44239481331771659982011-10-19T23:35:00.000-07:002011-10-20T23:49:25.202-07:00Coping with CancerMy name is Jillian. In 2008 my best friend Vanessa was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins T-Cell Lymphoblasic Lymphoma. This blog is designed as a tool to not only help me cope with the effects of cancer, but it is my prayer that this also helps either a person who has been diagnosed, and or the friends and family with a loved one fighting Cancer.<br />
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This is a blog about my journey along side of Vanessa and also many of her points of view as well. I am proud to say that Today October 19, 2011 on the start of this blog Vanessa continues to fight!!<br />
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In many ways cancer has a been a blessing to lives surronding Vanessa, including her own life. I know your thinking "how could cancer be a blessing?" and I promise to answer that question in future posts. It took all of us a lon time to see the good in Cancer.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0